I know why…

Why am I here?

Why do i matter?

Who says anything matters..

Im going through a time where I honestly feel like I don’t want to be here. I say that to myself often. I would never commit suicide or anything. I’m not unhappy, I just don’t understand sometimes.

I try to push it away by saying, “God has a reason for everything, he has a plan, he is taking care of us.” All which I believe with all my heart, I just do not know his plan yet and sometimes I forget those reasons.

If it were up to me I would choose to not be on this earth, like never created.

Truthfully I am afraid of the future.

I hate the way this world is, the way some people are, cold hearted and really only care about themselves and what they want. And I only imagine things getting worst. What I see matters to this world is basically status and money. In order to live an okay life you need money, but you’ll have to deal with the stress that comes with it, like spending all our waking hours working.

One way or another you have to work.

School is work, networking is work, building a resume is work, keeping a routine is work. Work causes stress when you add pressure. And most people have the pressure of NEEDING to work to live a comfortable life, not choosing to work.

I believe this is what stresses me out. I’m only 21, I’m not set to choose if I want to work or not. The government says I have to work,  I have to pay bills, and if I want to have a place to live, eat, or wear something decent, I have to work, Otherwise we have the option to be homeless- tough choice.

Was I really born to wake up everyday to go to school, to work, and to sleep and do it again over and over and in between to fill time, find some meaningless entertainment, like a movie that I would’t even remember in a month.. I highly doubt it.

Everyone wants to be safe, happy, loved, peaceful, joyful, energetic and basically alive with no worries.

As I put things into perspective, I notice that I am really pressured. Pressured to keep up with time, to behave a certain way, to conform to societies ways, to have an education if I ever want to make it anywhere (even to help people you need a piece of paper with stamps and a signature), I have to work because I need to pay for that education, — Stress. I cant get a great job until I get an education, and I cant get a good education until I get a great job.

I can’t buy a house until I get a great job and great credit, and Its hard to get a great job if I dont have a great education. And great credit comes when you are willing to spend and then pay them back with interest.

This system sucks, it works like a trap, the government is cruel, and the police force isn’t all serving and protecting the way they are suppossed to.

I hear stories about people getting killed all the time, stories of people trusting the police and becoming a victim instead.

I believe we have a false sense of freedom. When you try to be dfferent and speak up, you can get killed, shut down, shoved into a prison, who knows…  disorder is disliked.

I say why was I born, and why am I still here..

I can really only answer that in one way.

Jesus.

He is the way, the truth and the life.

you ever heard “The truth will set you free”? Well Jesus is the truth.

The only thing that can truly set me free is Jesus.

So he gives me hope and stregnth, and love, and joy, and peace all over again even when this world is terrible, the bright light in him restores hope to people everyday.

I know why I am here; I matter because God created me the way I am, with a purpose and a plan.

  • Jeremiah 1:5, NIV Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.
  • Revelation 4:11, NKJV You are worthy, O Lord, To receive glory and honor and power; For You created all things, And by Your will they exist and were created.
  • Matthew 37-39, ESV And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
  • Matthew 5:16, NIV Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
  • Ecclesiastes 12:13, ESV The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.Micah 6:8, ESV He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?
  • Psalm 86:12, ESV I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever.
  • Jeremiah 29:11, NIV For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.tells me so.. 

Proverbs 16

Proverbs 16 

16 We can make our own plans,
    but the Lord gives the right answer.

People may be pure in their own eyes,
    but the Lord examines their motives.

Commit your actions to the Lord,
    and your plans will succeed.

The Lord has made everything for his own purposes,
    even the wicked for a day of disaster.

The Lord detests the proud;
    they will surely be punished.

Unfailing love and faithfulness make atonement for sin.
    By fearing the Lord, people avoid evil.

When people’s lives please the Lord,
    even their enemies are at peace with them.

Better to have little, with godliness,
    than to be rich and dishonest.

We can make our plans,
    but the Lord determines our steps.

10 The king speaks with divine wisdom;
    he must never judge unfairly.

11 The Lord demands accurate scales and balances;
    he sets the standards for fairness.

12 A king detests wrongdoing,
    for his rule is built on justice.

13 The king is pleased with words from righteous lips;
    he loves those who speak honestly.

14 The anger of the king is a deadly threat;
    the wise will try to appease it.

15 When the king smiles, there is life;
    his favor refreshes like a spring rain.

16 How much better to get wisdom than gold,
    and good judgment than silver!

17 The path of the virtuous leads away from evil;
    whoever follows that path is safe.

18 Pride goes before destruction,
    and haughtiness before a fall.

19 Better to live humbly with the poor
    than to share plunder with the proud.

20 Those who listen to instruction will prosper;
    those who trust the Lord will be joyful.

21 The wise are known for their understanding,
    and pleasant words are persuasive.

22 Discretion is a life-giving fountain to those who possess it,
    but discipline is wasted on fools.

23 From a wise mind comes wise speech;
    the words of the wise are persuasive.

24 Kind words are like honey—
    sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.

25 There is a path before each person that seems right,
    but it ends in death.

26 It is good for workers to have an appetite;
    an empty stomach drives them on.

27 Scoundrels create trouble;
    their words are a destructive blaze.

28 A troublemaker plants seeds of strife;
    gossip separates the best of friends.

29 Violent people mislead their companions,
    leading them down a harmful path.

30 With narrowed eyes, people plot evil;
    with a smirk, they plan their mischief.

31 Gray hair is a crown of glory;
    it is gained by living a godly life.

32 Better to be patient than powerful;
    better to have self-control than to conquer a city.

33 We may throw the dice,
    but the Lord determines how they fall.