Im going through a time where I honestly feel like I don’t want to be here. I say that to myself often. I would never commit suicide or anything. I’m not unhappy, I just don’t understand sometimes.
I try to push it away by saying, “God has a reason for everything, he has a plan, he is taking care of us.” All which I believe with all my heart, I just do not know his plan yet and sometimes I forget those reasons.
If it were up to me I would choose to not be on this earth, like never created.
Truthfully I am afraid of the future.
I hate the way this world is, the way some people are, cold hearted and really only care about themselves and what they want. And I only imagine things getting worst. What I see matters to this world is basically status and money. In order to live an okay life you need money, but you’ll have to deal with the stress that comes with it, like spending all our waking hours working.
I’m not a routine kinda girl. I make plans and lists and never do anything according to what was planned. I’m more carefree, and I can’t make decisions for the next day because I Really want to enjoy this day. There’s a few things that I can’t avoid doing though, like reading the Bible or going to church, and lately blogging has become a part of my life (even though it’s only been four days since I started blogging). It’s starting to feel like a routine that I really enjoy so far. I enjoy thinking of a bible verse every morning, posting my designs so that you guys can see, and I enjoy bringing you all into my world with my random quotes, videos or pictures. I don’t think I have gotten the full effect of blogging yet but I’m looking forward it. Other than that my routine is – ‘it happens when it happens and I see you when I see you’.
According to horoscopes, because I’m a Sagittarius , which is like fire, I cannot be tied down with routine, I run away from situations where I feel trapped and I have to have a lot of space and freedom.
I don’t really believe in horoscopes but I must admit they are pretty accurate sometimes. I cannot stand being trapped, so I sure do love my freedom!