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I know why…

Why am I here?

Why do i matter?

Who says anything matters..

Im going through a time where I honestly feel like I don’t want to be here. I say that to myself often. I would never commit suicide or anything. I’m not unhappy, I just don’t understand sometimes.

I try to push it away by saying, “God has a reason for everything, he has a plan, he is taking care of us.” All which I believe with all my heart, I just do not know his plan yet and sometimes I forget those reasons.

If it were up to me I would choose to not be on this earth, like never created.

Truthfully I am afraid of the future.

I hate the way this world is, the way some people are, cold hearted and really only care about themselves and what they want. And I only imagine things getting worst. What I see matters to this world is basically status and money. In order to live an okay life you need money, but you’ll have to deal with the stress that comes with it, like spending all our waking hours working.

One way or another you have to work.

School is work, networking is work, building a resume is work, keeping a routine is work. Work causes stress when you add pressure. And most people have the pressure of NEEDING to work to live a comfortable life, not choosing to work.

I believe this is what stresses me out. I’m only 21, I’m not set to choose if I want to work or not. The government says I have to work,  I have to pay bills, and if I want to have a place to live, eat, or wear something decent, I have to work, Otherwise we have the option to be homeless- tough choice.

Was I really born to wake up everyday to go to school, to work, and to sleep and do it again over and over and in between to fill time, find some meaningless entertainment, like a movie that I would’t even remember in a month.. I highly doubt it.

Everyone wants to be safe, happy, loved, peaceful, joyful, energetic and basically alive with no worries.

As I put things into perspective, I notice that I am really pressured. Pressured to keep up with time, to behave a certain way, to conform to societies ways, to have an education if I ever want to make it anywhere (even to help people you need a piece of paper with stamps and a signature), I have to work because I need to pay for that education, — Stress. I cant get a great job until I get an education, and I cant get a good education until I get a great job.

I can’t buy a house until I get a great job and great credit, and Its hard to get a great job if I dont have a great education. And great credit comes when you are willing to spend and then pay them back with interest.

This system sucks, it works like a trap, the government is cruel, and the police force isn’t all serving and protecting the way they are suppossed to.

I hear stories about people getting killed all the time, stories of people trusting the police and becoming a victim instead.

I believe we have a false sense of freedom. When you try to be dfferent and speak up, you can get killed, shut down, shoved into a prison, who knows…  disorder is disliked.

I say why was I born, and why am I still here..

I can really only answer that in one way.

Jesus.

He is the way, the truth and the life.

you ever heard “The truth will set you free”? Well Jesus is the truth.

The only thing that can truly set me free is Jesus.

So he gives me hope and stregnth, and love, and joy, and peace all over again even when this world is terrible, the bright light in him restores hope to people everyday.

I know why I am here; I matter because God created me the way I am, with a purpose and a plan.

  • Jeremiah 1:5, NIV Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.
  • Revelation 4:11, NKJV You are worthy, O Lord, To receive glory and honor and power; For You created all things, And by Your will they exist and were created.
  • Matthew 37-39, ESV And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
  • Matthew 5:16, NIV Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
  • Ecclesiastes 12:13, ESV The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.Micah 6:8, ESV He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?
  • Psalm 86:12, ESV I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever.
  • Jeremiah 29:11, NIV For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.tells me so.. 

5 Things About Me

 

Hey everyone,

In this video I introducing myself and telling you 5 things about me.

Please like, leave me some feedback, and subscribe

Blog Links:

http://www.puretreasure.wordpress.com
http://www.aninspiredday.blogspot.com

Than you for watching,

Have a beautiful day.

Larimarx3

Mother’s day

Ohhh Geez,

Thank you Jesus for my mother. Today is not mother’s day yet, but I would like to take this day, tomorrow, and every other day to honor her. Mother’s day should not be the only day to show love to our mothers. They are not all perfect but I can’t imagine not having the love of a mother, and I can’t imagine my life without being by . She has been my strength, my encouragement, my heart, she taught me how to dream, how to love, and how to treat others kindly.

My mother is a great woman. She raised four smart, amazing girls all on her own in rough parts of New York City, until I was born and my Dad came around and raised me with her.
There’s nothing she had to do for me to love her, It’s unconditional. She never graduated from high school, she doesn’t work, we don’t live in a house, and she does

So I just wanted to take this time to appreciate my mother, and thank God for her. I also pray that all mothers who had the courage to raise their kids and took up that full-time job, begin to feel appreciated, loved, and honored more.

The same goes for fathers also by the way. Some people may not have their mother in their life anymore, and their father was their mother, so take mothers day as a day to honor your father as well. They deserve it.

Watch this awesome video about mothers:

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/worlds-toughest-job-ad-american-fake-job-interview-23334187

Family Alter

            “This family meeting was called for a reason,” said my aunt Mari, ” everyone please take a seat, and quiet down the kids, please”
My aunt never spoke English, not that she could anyways, and I hardly speak Spanish but still I can hear the authority in her words when she spoke to all of my family. Already I was sitting quietly with my cousin Alina, watching as my mom, her two sisters and her older brother followed the orders of their older sister.
My cousin quiet down her younger brother and sister and my aunt started speaking again.
“Now there are some things that we need to clear up in this family, because there are too many rumors and ‘he says, she says’ getting in the way of our relationship-”
“Yes, and now that you’re here we can speak about those rumors” My aunt Luz interrupted. “because I want to get it out there that I didn’t say or do anything to hurt you or your daughter, you know I really loved your daughter and with any situation involving my son, your daughter, and anyone else, I never got involved.-“
“Okay, I’m going to get to that in second.”
“ah, okay, I was just saying.”
“- So as a family we’re supposed to be united. That means we can’t be one over here and one over there to then get together only when there’s drinking involved. Some people do not drink and we need to find time to find each other.”
I agreed with everything she said. Honestly, I had noticed that as well, my mothers’ side of the family likes to drink a lot. I always thought it was a mixture of their hurtful childhood and their stressful adulthood that leads them to their first few drinks, and after a while it just becomes like a sinful habit.
Unfortunately my mom is the youngest of her siblings, and her childhood was probably the worst, little by little I get stories out of her, about her past and so far what I know is that my grandmother had fourteen children and out of those fourteen children she had only abandoned my mother. Even though Mari and her oldest sister, Angelica, took her in, my mother couldn’t help herself but to feel abandoned. Which affects a lot of things in her life still to this day, as an adult, in her social life, in relationships, and even as a mother.
“Me being the way I am, which is a real family person, I have never liked it, and still do not like it, when the family is separated.” Mari said. She spoke with wisdom, my aunt, or so I thought at that moment. I could not have said that any better. And I was actually not expecting to hear something like that come out of my aunt’s mouth.
This aunt, I never really knew. In fact she didn’t even recognize me when my mother and I walked into the small apartment. We were coming from Sunday church service and she asked who was I and my mother had to tell her who my father was for her to remember.
I wasn’t surprised; I’m already used to the family being “separated”, as she said. Most of my aunts, uncles, and cousins, I hardly know. Like many families, we meet up during thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years, and ask many questions about each other’s life, catch up, get some family members addresses and phone numbers, drink, dance and party, and then do the same again next year.
But this aunt I don’t remember meeting, she spoke like if she was the oldest, but she was the middle child, and as soon as I met her though, I smiled, I was amazed at how much she looked like my mother, I mean they are sisters, but the similarities were unexpected. Her eyes, her skin, and her smile even her laughter reminded me of my mother.
“It really hurt me when my daughter was in her dying bed and she wouldn’t forgive her cousins for what they said about her. And I would tell her please, just call them and talk about it but she was so stubborn, angry and hurt that she was holding on to it still in her death bed.” At that point of the conversation I had no idea what she was talking about. I’m a part of the separated. So I had no idea we had family drama in my family. But I was quickly learning that we did, and not everyone was involved but everyone was affected.
“I was praying for my daughter and thank God, she got to speak to them before she died. And things were resolved with them after a while, but there’s still tension in the family and other rumors that need to be addressed.”
For the next half hour, they spoke and apologized to each other about the past and the present. She asked if anyone else had something to bring up, and my uncle, the only male in the room, hadn’t said anything at all, except “yeah, I agree.” They said he’s such a guy; he never has anything to say. They laughed and ate and were a very united family for the rest of the evening. My mother and all her sisters left together and then got on the bus together, something I never witnessed before. I started to see change already.
But my mind was stuck and enlightened as soon as she mentioned God. I began to realize why I was so amazed by my family having this meeting, why my aunt seemed to speak with such wisdom and authority. And why it really touched my heart to over here this conversation. I technically just met my aunt Mari, but the more she said the more I loved her. She opened up her heart to her family. She praised and thanked God for her family, and when the meeting was over we hung out for a little, then before we left she asked that we get in a circle and pray.
.. And pray.
Three of my aunts were God fearing women, and my mother and my aunt Luz, I believe, are starting to come around the corner, because their actually accepting to come to church with us on Sundays and not arguing when we want to read the Bible together  unlike other times.
I thought about how many times my sisters and I would go to church services that would talk about families being unbreakable, and how the family needs to create a family altar, praying and worshiping together, to stand strong in faith and in our relationship. We prayed for our family a lot, mostly our immediate family though. And God made a promise to us that he was going to save my mother.
            Now I feel like we had put limits on God a bit because we weren’t thinking about our entire family when we prayed. But in the bible I remember reading if someone in the family is called, then the entire family is called. And I was stunned and amazed at the fact that I was witnessing God’s promise being fulfilled. We had our first family alter in that living room on that Sunday morning after church. And I’m pretty sure there’s many more to come.

Hillsong service- I’m searching for a real love

Hillsong NYC
Sunday 9pm service
June 9, 2013

“I’m searching for a real love”

(My notes on Pastor Karl Lentz preaching) Enjoy!

Some words you have to be careful when you say them because people can take it the wrong way.
( When you’re married be careful what you say)

One word that has been misused is LOVE !

It has been changed around in our community and now people are trying to find the wrong things and love in all the wrong places.

The search could be over if they’d figure out that LOVE is a PERSON, Jesus Christ.
” I found true love when I found the creator of the universe who accepted me the way I was and loved me too much to leave me like that.”

REAL LOVE REVELATION :
You cannot GIVE the love of God (the reason you’re on this earth), and
you cannot SHOW the love of God (the reason you’re in NY)
if you have not experienced his love than you can’t show it.

John 20:1  (MSG)

20 1-2 Early in the morning on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and saw that the stone was moved away from the entrance. She ran at once to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, breathlessly panting, “They took the Master from the tomb. We don’t know where they’ve put him.”

” The one that Jesus loved.”  (I cannot be moved)
The writer of John wrote that in 3rd person.
Confidence and security in God’s love for him, something that this world cannot give you.
How free it is to live with that Security of how much Jesus loves YOU. you can go out and do things and even if you lose, it’s okay because Jesus already won the fight.

At the end of the day you live for the pleasure and journey of one, Jesus.
“Everything around me can be breaking down but my God is immovable!”

Do you have faith that God can throw you so far into things and still be there to catch you?

If you go out in faith and have confidence because your God is the king of heaven and all things, than you wouldn’t worry or fear but have faith in him.

REAL LOVE:

Luke 15:11-32 (MSG)

The Story of the Lost Son

11-12 Then he said, “There was once a man who had two sons. The younger said to his father, ‘Father, I want right now what’s coming to me.’

12-16 “So the father divided the property between them. It wasn’t long before the younger son packed his bags and left for a distant country. There, undisciplined and dissipated, he wasted everything he had. After he had gone through all his money, there was a bad famine all through that country and he began to hurt. He signed on with a citizen there who assigned him to his fields to slop the pigs. He was so hungry he would have eaten the corncobs in the pig slop, but no one would give him any.
17-20 “That brought him to his senses. He said, ‘All those farmhands working for my father sit down to three meals a day, and here I am starving to death. I’m going back to my father. I’ll say to him, Father, I’ve sinned against God, I’ve sinned before you; I don’t deserve to be called your son. Take me on as a hired hand.’ He got right up and went home to his father.
20-21 “When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him. The son started his speech: ‘Father, I’ve sinned against God, I’ve sinned before you; I don’t deserve to be called your son ever again.’
22-24 “But the father wasn’t listening. He was calling to the servants, ‘Quick. Bring a clean set of clothes and dress him. Put the family ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Then get a grain-fed heifer and roast it. We’re going to feast! We’re going to have a wonderful time! My son is here—given up for dead and now alive! Given up for lost and now found!’ And they began to have a wonderful time.
31-32 “His father said, ‘Son, you don’t understand. You’re with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours—but this is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate. This brother of yours was dead, and he’s alive! He was lost, and he’s found!'”


Better to be a no name servant in the kingdom of God than a famous wealthy person in the world.

REAL LOVE:
A son who went to “Vegas” lost it all and came back to his father and his dad didn’t see any of that, he was just happy his son was back.

1. Real love doesn’t manipulate.

2. Real love Plans: Don’t hope it happens, you PLAN for it to happen.

You think ahead and make a way.
” I know the plans I have for you” –  guess what? God’s not done working in you.

3. Real love waits : The Love of God is irrevocable.

Its always there when we want it. Something about the story, the son believed and knew that his dad was waiting for him and that he could go back home at any point in time.
– Believe that God looks at us like that.   God is waiting, waiting, and waiting.

It’s part of our calling also; to give and wait.
The son came back in his own time, he was at the bottom and came to his own senses. And he knew that his father was waiting for him.

Our job is to do what’s right and sometimes wait.
Real love will get us to wait it out.
Can you be the Christian that never turns the light off? Because Jesus never turned it off on us.

4. Real Love Runs:  His love is relentless

We serve a God who fought for us. When you’re confident in his love for you, you start doing things BECAUSE he loves you not because you’re seeking it.

We can’t loose anyone else to this mistaken word of love.
Being there and loving them at their worst and loving them at their best.
His real love has to get out to this city!

Hillsong NYC Connect group experience

If you haven’t heard of Hillsong nyc church, (Welcome home!), and you live in NYC please look them up, their Sunday services are held on 14st.  I really encourage you to go but If you have than I encourage you even more to join a connect group. ❤
Join a group where you feel comfortable to speak up, to talk about God, to pray freely, and where you feel you can relate to others.

The connect groups aren’t just bible study they’re a chance to connect, of course, but also to encouraged you in your faith. You can gain new relationships and friendships and I love the one I go to because it feels like a sisterhood, and a place that I can make some really great girl friends. (even though its in another borough, an hour away) :/.

Connect group meeting tonight was awesome. (Our group in Astoria, Queens is all woman, so I met a lot of great woman). And unfortunately my memory eludes me on some of their names.
I’m so thankful that I can truly say that they’re a great set of woman that encourage and motivate me to just be an amazing woman of God. I love the feeling that I get when I’m around them. I feel like I belong there and like Jesus is going to use them to help me brake old habits. While helping me to add good new habits, unfailing faith and so many other things.  I wish you guys could feel how much love I feel when I enter their home, its just amazing.

This was my second time attending a connect group, I met Kendall in a Hillsong service were they gave us “4 minutes of fellowship” and we connected and she told me about the new connect group that she and her roommate were having. I really liked her right away. I had been trying to go to one by where I live for a long time but I didn’t know anyone yet so I didn’t want to go on my own.

But since I met Kendall, I took a chance and went, and I’m grateful I did because I got a chance to meet some wonderful woman of GOD! 🙂 I’m excited to see how God moves within us, and how we will be helping each other become strong leaders in our communities embodying God’s grace, love, and strength.